Touch tutorial: The art of pressure

Light touch teases.
Medium touch awakens.
Deep, slow pressure… that’s the one that melts you.

Touch isn’t just about where your hands go. It’s about how you use them, when you change things up, and whether you’re paying attention to the response you’re getting. The body—and the brain—thrives on contrast.

Why Contrast Works

Our nervous system adapts quickly. A single sensation, no matter how pleasant, fades into the background if it stays the same. But when you shift from light to firm, fast to slow, surface-level to deeper pressure, the brain lights up. It starts paying attention again. That’s why something as simple as this can feel electric:

Drag your fingertips lightly up her thigh, barely there—then switch to a firmer, slower squeeze.

It’s not the squeeze alone that matters. It’s the change.

Technique tips for pleasuring a woman

1. Start Lighter Than You Think

Many men begin with too much pressure. A woman’s skin is half the thickness of a man’s. That’s why our skin is so soft, but also so sensitive. Lighter is better. I always say to clients: if you’re a man - use half the pressure, if you’re a woman - use twice the pressure. You can’t go wrong with too light, but you can go very wrong with too hard. It’s much easier starting out light and going harder if they indicate that you should. Pain is never sexy (for most people that is).

Light touch creates anticipation and sensitivity. Use fingertips, the backs of your fingers, or just your nails grazing the skin. Think suggestion, not statement. If she leans in, breathes deeper, or relaxes into it—that’s your green light to continue. Also pay attention to her body language: if she widens her legs - continue, if she closes them slightly - adjust your technique, if she flinches or pulls away - stop what you’re doing. This is referred to as open versus closed body language. And it’s important to pay attention as most women won’t verbally say when they’re uncomfortable.

2. Slow Down the Firm Stuff

When you increase pressure, decrease speed. Deep, slow touch feels grounding and intimate. Your palm, the heel of your hand, or a gentle squeeze held for a few seconds can feel far more intense than quick movements.

Firm and fast can feel mechanical, and often painful. Firm and slow feels intentional, intimate and deeply sexy. Women typically love that.

And also from personal experience with many clients: please DO NOT press down on bony areas (such as the area above the clitoris / where most hair grows (mons pubis is the technical term). No one likes it and it’s quite painful.

3. Use One Hand, Then Two

One hand builds focus. Two hands build immersion. Start with one to explore and read her reactions. Add the second hand only when the moment feels settled, not rushed.

4. Touch Isn’t Just Hands

Your breath, posture, and proximity all matter. Staying close without crowding, breathing calmly, and moving with confidence changes how touch is received. Hesitant hands feel unsure. Present hands feel safe.

5. Pay Attention to the First Reaction

Different bodies respond differently. Some react in their shoulders, some in their hips, some in their breath. The first place that softens, arches, or shifts is telling you where the connection is strongest.

Let that guide you instead of following a script.

Pressure Is a Dial, Not a Switch

Think of pressure on a scale from 1 to 10—not just “light” or “hard.” Move gradually. A slow climb from a 2 to a 5 often feels more intense than jumping straight to an 8.

And remember: you can always come back down. Returning to a lighter touch after something deeper can feel just as powerful as going forward. As a tantra practitioner I often refer to sessions as like a wave, there’s a crest and fall and another bigger crest, ultimately leading to a big wave at the end. Great sex often feels the same.

Consent Is Part of the Technique

The most effective touch happens when she feels safe, seen, and respected. That doesn’t always mean stopping to ask verbally—though that can be great—but it does mean continuously checking in through awareness.

If she pulls away, tenses, or goes still, ease up. If she moves closer, relaxes, or responds, you’re on the right track.

The conversation about consent has thankfully changed dramatically over the last couple of decades. It’s not about getting a written contract, or asking verbally before doing anything. It’s about constantly assessing if your partner is comfortable and a willing participant. Positive consent means looking for signs of “YES!!!! more, more”, rather than the old school ‘no means no’. Because of how women are socialised as people pleasers, very few women will verbally tell you to stop when uncomfortable or in pain. A lack of no is not the same as consent. That means you have to look out for the subtle signs of consent: soft moaning, sighs, slow breathing (at the start), open body language and verbalisations. Learning these signs can often mean the difference between average and mind blowing sex.

BUT… there are times when even I, as a confident, bisexual experienced sex worker can’t interpret whether a woman is into what I’m doing or not. So at those times a simple… “does this feel good”, “do you want me to continue”, “would you rather me do…”, “do you prefer fast or slow” will do. Make sure to use simple questions with a one or two word answer. Definitely not open ended ones such as my personal pet peeve… “What do you like?”

Touch Is a Conversation

Great touch isn’t something you do to someone. It’s something you share. You offer a sensation, she responds, and you adjust. That feedback loop is where chemistry lives.

Because when touch is done well, it doesn’t just feel good on the skin—it resonates through the whole body.

And often, you’ll know it’s working by noticing which part of her reacts first.